I Left Everything To Travel The World And I Failed

What am I supposed to do now with the broken pieces of my life? I don’t know.

In 2015 I was working a nine-to-five cubicle job and living the corporate life; it was a confusing time in my life. Seemingly, I had everything I thought I needed at the time: a cozy apartment that felt like home, a good job with a steady income, a stable routine, and a tight-knit group of friends. However, despite the apparent security and comfort of my life I felt lost, uninspired, and unsettled. Unsettled because I have always been a dreamer and an artist at heart and there is nothing more unnerving for someone like me than a routine centered around a nine-to-five office job. 

I needed a change and not just any change, I needed a life-altering change. One that would rock me to my core, push me out of my comfort zone, and flip me inside out and expose me to who, I was sure, I was meant to be. I desired the freedom to explore, fly, create, and play with my dreams; I wanted to jump from country to country, discover, and learn. I wanted to be fearless and push my boundaries like I never had before because I knew that at the end of the road, wherever that might be, I was going to be a different person. I was going to be the truest version of me. 

It never occured to me that I could fail. 

Let me take you further back to when I was eight or nine years old, it was then when I began to daydream about traveling the world. I fantasized about being an adventurer, I had a thirst for knowledge and history and one day I was going to walk the quaint, narrow streets of Italy and experience the majestic presence of the pyramids of Egypt. I had no doubt, it was an innate feeling, at that tender age I knew that one day I would visit these countries and travel the world. 

So, in 2015 I packed my belongings and left everything I had ever known behind: my home, my friends, my financial security, and my comfort zone. I drove to my parent’s home to drop off my things for safekeeping and to say goodbye. It was done, there was no turning back, I had a plane ticket to Amsterdam booked—my first stop—and my backpack packed. I was ready to walk into the unknown. 

For the next three months I backpacked through Europe, including Italy of course. I then flew to Uganda, Africa where I volunteered at an impoverished orphanage for three months. After Africa I flew to Cambodia to volunteer as an English teacher for young kids in a small village. I was not following an itinerary, I was simply allowing things to unfold, however that might be, wherever that might take me I went with the flow. I visited many other countries in between these and after two years of mindless traveling I knew that I did not want to stop. I was determined to find a sustainable way to keep traveling, to keep discovering myself, and to keep pursuing that illusion of finding who “I was meant to be.” During this time I began to think of and plan different ways that I could generate an income that would sustain my nomadic lifestyle. I have always been a creative person, therefore thinking of ways to make a living was not going to be a problem. I had what felt like a million and one ideas. 

Well, I failed at every single one of those ideas.

Teaching English abroad? I failed. Teaching English online? I failed. Becoming an Instagram travel influencer? I failed. Using Upwork, Fiverr, and similar platforms? I failed. Finding random, odd jobs? I failed. Becoming a freelance writer? I failed. And so forth, it was almost two years of failed attempts. Why did I fail? I don’t know. Did I not try hard enough? Is it me? Is there something wrong with my character? What am I doing wrong? Am I quitting on myself if I don’t keep trying? I don’t have the answers to these questions but they have been lingering in my mind fervently.

Presently, I am writing this while sitting at a cafe in Central Europe, with a return flight back home booked and an almost empty bank account. This is it, this is the moment that I never anticipated, this is the reality that I did not know would hit me like a tsunami of cold water. What next? When it feels like I have been stripped of my sense of self, been left blank and without color, and full of uncertainty. What next? I don’t know.

I left everything to travel the world and I failed. However, I must admit that life gave me exactly what I asked for: a life-altering change, one that would rock me to my core, push me out of my comfort zone, and flip me inside out and expose me to who I was meant to be. And who was I meant to be? No one other than the person I was in 2015 and no one other than the person that I am today. The acceptance of this has been my biggest lesson. What began as an inner journey of self discovery unexpectedly turned into a journey of spiritual awakening and I have nothing left to do but to attempt to gracefully lay to rest on my sense of “failure.” Where I will remain open to witness the broken pieces of my life remain broken until they organically and without disturbance fall into place.

Published by Dangie

No one to be and nothing to do, simply here.

8 thoughts on “I Left Everything To Travel The World And I Failed

  1. Lol!!! You didn’t fail! You spent two years travelling the world. You had adventures. You’ve made memories. You’ve SUCCEEDED! Why do you think it’s a failure? You’ve done what most people never do! And you’ve changed. You are not the person you were.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dear Dangie, your story is classical but full of lessons for man. Yes to some extent, you achieved you aim of travelling around the world, however a big lesson from this is that abinitio, you ought to know that your kind of aims requires heavy financial resources’, which further requires better planning ahead of time , obviously your plan was not sound enough. Thankfully, you can replan and still achieve all of your aims. Pls visit my blog, reach out to me, share my posts. Let’s be friends. I admire your courage and tenacity. REGARDS

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hey! In 2015 I also left my corporate job but didn’t go nearly as far as you went. I literally just went down the street to the library where I got a part-time job. I’ve been able to use the extra time to make great strides with my writing.

    Don’t think of any of this as failing. What we are trying to do is incredibly difficult. At least you got an adventure and I’m sure it’s affected you in positive ways you can’t imagine.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply to mbarron2 Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: